I am sharing one more testimony with you and I honour all those who are using of their traumatic experience as encouragement to others who have not been able to deal with abuse.
My name is Hope and I’m a 24-year-old HIV positive single mum. This is my story.
My friends and I were coming back from a night vigil of the youth at Wembley Stadium in November 2005. My friend had invited me to church and I have been going there for a few weeks before the night vigil. Coming back from the vigil everybody went to their various homes, on my way home I met a guy we used to party with, and sniff coke…he offered me ecstasy and I refused all I wanted to do was to go home and sleep, I have your jacket he said, “when can you come and get it”? Around ten I said and went home to get some sleep, at eleven I went to his place to get my jacket.
When I got there, he was high and drunk, he pushed the door closed behind me, I asked him “what’s’ up”, he pushed and slapped me, I ran to the door but he got there before I could, locked the door and threw the key out the window and put on very loud music, he laughed and said, “now because of that stupid church you think you better than me”? He continued slapping and pushing me I screamed but no one heard me, I tried to fight back but no matter how much I tried, I felt more and more powerless, he grabbed me, tore my t-shirt and pushed me to the bed he took a rope and tied me up.
With both my hands tied he went down and pushed open my legs and he entered me, I couldn’t stand his breath of alcohol, the look on his face, when I looked away he would slap me and want me to look at him, when he finished, he said get dressed and I will walk you home, he then said, “don’t you get it, what I just did is because I love you!” I went home bruised and no one asked who did this to you? I poured water to wash the dirt, I felt dirty and disgusted, three months later I found out I was pregnant, once again, no one asked who is the father of the baby?
This is one more testimony that I want to share with you and I honour all those who are using of their traumatic experience as encouragement to those who have been holding it and grieving over what happened.
Here I was, nineteen and HIV positive with a kid. I despised God, I hated God, but not as much as I hated the child I had. At times all I wanted was to kill the child and move on with my life, but then an evangelism group used to come at my place every day and I went back to church. I learned to love my son, and to forgive all that happened, I always asked myself, “God, why me?” But I learned that if not me why somebody else. God has revealed Himself to me many times, like when I’d booked for an abortion, the Sunday I went to church I saw on the Universal News front page was on abortion – either you say yes or either you say no. I thank God my child is negative and I wouldn’t leave him, I have accepted.
Even though my status is HIV, I love my son. I learned a lot in church and my health is better, my CD4 is normal and I’m not taking ARV, I am blessed. The anger I had is gone, I met my child father the other day and he begged me to forgive him and this year on the Sunday of forgiveness I wrote down his name. I’m living life and I am bigger than the virus in my blood. I know God will never forsaken me, though I’m not working at the moment, but I’m being taken care of, I’ve never had to borrow or go without food. Thank you God.
Take a stand, join us this coming 26 November.