Tuesday, June 24, 2014

I did not see it as "abuse"

Karla Conceiçao
Many women have been through abuse and they did not understand by then what was happening but such experiences left marks in their emotional life. Meet Karla, one of them.

The first kind of abuse I suffered was when I was 5 years old, I remember that I was playing alone in the backyard and there was a neighbor who would always call me in a corner hidden, he would hold me tight and kiss me in the mouth. I did not understand why he did that to me. I do not remember how many times he did it, but it was several times.

Until the time my parents separated and my mother went to live in the house of her uncle until she would get a job. His house was small to accommodate a family of 6, so I slept on the floor in the living room with my mother and my cousins.

Every day in the middle of the night, my older cousin (who at the time was about 20 years old) used to touch in my private parts. I do not know why I did not tell my mom. I was 6 years old by then.

Sometime later, my mother and I went to live somewhere else when she got a job as a maid, so we lived in a house with people we did not know. Most of the times she would take me with her to work because there was nobody to take care of me.

I remember that sometimes the son of my mother's boss would cover my mouth and pass his hand all over my body. I did not understand exactly why he did it but I knew it was wrong! This time I told my mother what he had done but she did nothing! I was about 7 years old then.

When I turned 10 years old, I developed an addiction to masturbation, it was not because I saw it on  TV or something like that, I just found out how to do it by myself!

I used to masturbate almost every day, sometimes up to three times a day!

This addiction grew in a way that I started molesting other children's private parts. I did to them everything others had done to me when I was a younger. These children were cousins ​​and neighbours!

There was a time, that I even wished I was a man to be able to rape women.

All of this, I forgot when I had an encounter with God, it was as if none of this had happened to me, I was 15 years old when I came to church.

When I heard the testimony of a friend of mine, I remembered everything that had happened and I just could not understand why I acted in that way as a teenager.

I never considered what I went through as an abuse, because no one ever forced me into having sexual relations, but when I heard the testimony of this friend of mine, my eyes opened and I understood that I was also a victim of abuse and that I was an abuser myself.

Karla Cristina


cintia sierva de Dios said...

Wow interesting history of life for glory an honor of the Lord Jesus.

phelisa said...

This kind of abuse never really manifests itself as abuse becasue its not as diret as the others, but it is in fact quite common. I know something similar happened to me when I was young but I never connected it to abuse, I thought I acted the way I did as it was something normal and it only clicked for me in the women's day event which was in khayelitsha this year. Its something so common but not spoken of and it affects many children.

Thank you for sharing

cphosethu said...

Your history is so similar to mine Mrs Karla and I also never took it as abuse. I just felt that what the guy was doing was wrong because he used to touch my private parts but I never went to someone and told it. After all the teachings from the WiA meetings and Save-a-Tamar, I understood why it all happened and I overcame it.

Thank you for sharing because your testimony will open the eyes of those who are in the same situation.

Lindiwe Mothwalo said...

Wow Mrs Karla, thank you very much for sharing. I personally have not faced this form of abuse but certainly it will help me to assist other ladies who are going thru the same problem.