When I was about 6 or 7 years, I do
not remember the exact age, I was molested by a teenage neighbour who happened
to be a frequent guest at my home.
I remember that we were both naked
and just as he was about to ‘do it’, my father passed by. Though he could
barely see what was happening, the little he saw, did not please him. Since he
was with a friend who had come to visit, he just went to my mother and asked
her not to let me fall asleep until he got back home.
Whenever we did anything wrong, he
had a habit of beating us with no clothes on, and he would ask my mom to
prepare a bowl with water and salt for us to sit inside of it, after the
beating.
And this is exactly what happened to
me that day. I really got beaten up and after I had to sit inside of the bowl
with water and salt.
From that day on I started having
desires for sex, even though I was a child, I was very mischievous in this
regard. I would even have erotic dreams with adults and even my girlfriends’
parents.
Years went by and I always thought
that I did something wrong and deserved to be beaten up. I blamed myself and I
did not like how I was, neither the kinds of ‘desires’ I had. I could not
understand, and always had a question mark within me, there was always a
‘why?’.
Such was my childhood. I would
usually play like any other child, but the difference between them and me was
that I would go beyond normal playing, especially with a certain boy.
My father was always very strict
about our education, he was like an army sergeant, if I can say so, and my
brothers and I grew up very afraid of him. We would always respect him but
would also be scared of him, because if we did something wrong we knew how we
would be punished.
When I became a teenager, he told me
that I could not date. Only when I would reach a certain age I would be allowed
to date, as I did not know the meaning of it yet! With these ‘puzzled words’ in
my head I obeyed him, and I stopped doing the things I used to do as a child.
However, from that day onwards I had
thoughts of prostituting myself. As I thought of young ladies who were free, nobody
could restrain them and at any time they could satisfy their carnal desires.
Such was my ignorance.
I had never told this to anyone, but
when I started dating a guy, who is now my husband, I talked to him. I did not
speak about the ‘desires’ I had, but I told him of the way I was. I told him
that one day I did something very bad and got a terrible beating from my
father, and that it really haunted me.
However at the time, I never
associated what happened with the fact that I had been molested. Mainly because
at the time there was very little knowledge about pedophilia or anything as
such.
Regardless, that question never left
my mind, until the day I found the Lord Jesus and converted. Then I realised
that it was the works of demons that had made me to be such a mischievous
child. Right then I found out the answer to the ‘Why’, but then I though to
myself, ‘So, I figured out ‘why’, and without a doubt it was the works of
unclean spirits who were behind all those things, but that wasn’t all.’
Many years went by, and there was
still inside of me a question mark that went beyond what I had discovered after
I found Faith.
Whenever I spoke to the mothers in
the Church, I would always warn them to watch their children, and never let
them to play behind closed doors, but to always keep an eye open and teach
their children on how to react in certain situations. I also spoke with BSC
teachers about it. I always had this concern because I thought that if my mother
had watched over me more, I would not act the way I did.
It was always shameful for me to
remember who I was, and did not want the same to happen with the other girls.
My sister, who besides being my
sister is a very good friend, never heard about this. Absolutely no one, not
even my brother and my deceased mother knew about this. I never commented with
my mother how beating had affected me.
Last year was my first event of
Godllywood “Breaking the silence" and we had an inspector of the police
against abuse and domestic violence, and after the lecture we were talking to
him about this whole subject of pedophilia, sexual abuse cases he receives etc.
and at some point he said something that made me to wake up.
He said something like: "I get
angry when this happens, especially with kids, because they lose the purity of
their childhood."
At the time everything came back to
my mind, I confess that tears came to my eyes and I agreed with him, as it was
absolutely true.
Then I went to my husband and said
that I had discovered the root of what was behind all that I had passed.
I realised that was not the culprit,
but a victim.
Today, by knowing the source of my
problem, I can help those who one day were molested or abused, like I was. To
help them discover their roots and pluck them out so that they can move forward
with a guilty free mind and bear good fruit.
Luiza Silveira
Zambia
5 comments:
Vc é uma grade mulher,um verdadeiro instrumento da obra de DEUS!Que DEUS abençoe cada vez mais seu ministério!Bjssss amo vcs
Thanks Mrs Luiza for sharing your testimony I believe this will help many women and mothers .....I will also share with others
God bless.
I will definitely share this testimony as I believe it will help many. Thank you Mrs Luiza, may God bless you more.
This is always a hard chapter to speak about. It is now in the light as a mum I have to talk about this to my children and this happens to all. If it is not the mother 's boyfriend,brothers the men next door it can be the father. We need to take care and listen to the children too.
Very strong testimony Mrs Luiza, manytimes we see children with bad behaviours not knowing thy were affected so sad May God proctet them.
Post a Comment